


You're Going to be Okay, Mr. Drake

by batarangs



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Autistic Character, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Character Study, Domestic, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Pre-New 52, Social Anxiety, Trans Male Character, internalized ableism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-04 13:24:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11556087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/batarangs/pseuds/batarangs
Summary: I'll take you where nobody knows you and nobody gives a damn.(Or Tim takes the summer off from being a superhero and spends it with the Kents in Smallville.)





	1. This Heart's on Fire

Conner kisses Tim for the first time after a particularly intense battle with Deathstroke.

The Titans are still unsure what his motivations are for trying to infiltrate the Tower this time – they assume trying to steal secrets most likely, but for what? The team manages to catch him in the act quickly and take the fight outside of the Tower to near the Golden Gate Bridge before too much damage is done to the building.

The fight couldn’t have lasted more than 30 minutes before Deathstroke manages disarm them and escape.

“Until next time, Titans!” he yells back at them.

“God, what a fucking creep,” Cassie says watching him abscond, brushing dirt off her. “He’s like 60 years old and still fighting people a third of his age?”

“I know he shouldn’t he be terrorizing the nurses at the retirement home?” says Bart.

“Haha, yeah. Hey, where’s Tim?” asks Conner. The 3 of them look at each other and then look to Miss Martian, Aqualad, and Kid Devil, all nursing their own wounds, who all shrug. The bridge had taken a few hits; some cars that had been stopped over turned or thrown, wires snapped, parts of the road dug up – being hit by any of it could’ve been fatal.

“He was just here a second ago!” says M’gann.

“Red Robin? Red?!” Bart, Cassie, and Conner all shout, voices full of concern; sometimes they forget Tim is a just regular person with no healing factor or invulnerability. “Red Robin?!”

Tim steps out from behind a car and raises a weak hand.

“Hey, I’m all good over here.”

Conner’s gut twists and he can’t stop himself from flying over to Tim at almost top speed, smashing their faces together.

Their kiss doesn’t last particularly long: Conner’s chest is right up against Tim’s; his hands are in Tim’s hair pulling him as close as he possibly can. Tim’s nose is uncomfortably smashed against Conner’s cheek. 

“Uh-“ They both start when Conner releases his vice grip on Tim’s head. They both stare at each other for a moment, eyes wide, mouths agape, faces as red as the S shield on Conner’s shirt. Conner stumbles back, tripping a bit over some debris, looking wildly back between Tim and the other Titans.

“S-sorry!” Conner says, in an unusually high voice, before leaping into the air and shooting off in the opposite direction as fast as he can.

The Titans stare for a moment at the empty space where he was just a second ago before turning to stare at Tim. Bart opens his mouth to go “Ooohh..”, but Cassie slams her hand over his mouth to shut him up. Tim looks down at the ground and shifts on his feet, trying to collect himself.

“Uh, Titans: you get this… sorted,” he says, voice purposefully deeper and more stern, awkwardly gesturing at some rubble. “Um, Red Robin out.”

He grapple hooks away and calls a plane to take him back to Gotham.

-

Conner is flying, not sure where or what direction, but he had to get out of there as fast as he could.

 _What did you just do, what did you just do, what did you just do_ , is the only thing that’s going through his mind.

_Such a fucking idiot - stupid, dumb, idiot, Conner!_

He stops flying and finds himself high, high above Smallville - it’s always been nice here, quiet. Quiet isn’t what he needs right now, he can’t be alone with his thoughts - he needs noise to drown out what he doesn’t want to acknowledge.

Has it been this way the entire time?

Was it the holding eye contact for too long? The touching Tim’s arm or shoulder when he didn’t need to? The being defensive when someone else other than Tim was calling themselves Robin? The always keeping an ear open for Tim, in case he needs him, any time, night or day, no questions asked? Was he just too stupid to see it? Did Cadmus do something to him when he was being cooked up in that lab all those years ago? Something that made him bury any feelings deep down to squash and repress for years? Something to make him feel ashamed for this?

Conner feels like his head and chest are about to explode. It’s too quiet here.

He shoots off again, heading east, until he’s above Metropolis – a city he wishes he could call home. He takes a deep breath and exhales shakily, trying to lower his heart rate - not that it would matter, as he’s sure that he’s already heard him come by now.

“Kal?”

Superman appears almost instantaneously in front of him.

“Hey, dude. I-I’m sorry if you have something more important to do…“ Conner starts, voice cracking.

“Is something the matter, Conner? You look like you’re about to be sick,” Kal says, voice full of concern, placing a comforting hand on Conner’s shoulder.

Conner swallows roughly.

“Whatever it is you can tell me; we’re brothers and I-“

“H-how did you know that you were gay?” Conner blurts out.

Kal’s face is priceless.

“Or I mean uh, how did you know that you were like, ‘okay’, you know, with guys, too?” His words get quieter and less confident with each syllable. “You know, with you… specifically.”

Kal starts laughing.

“This is serious, dude!” Conner yells, voice cracking again and embarrassed.

“Yes, you’re right; my apologies, Conner,” Kal says, still chuckling.

Conner crosses his arms defensively, curling in on himself, and huffs.

“To be honest, I was one of those people who didn’t have some sort of big revelation that you appear to be having right now.” He pauses and looks down at the bustling city below them. “I just sort of always vaguely knew that about myself. I think discovering I was an alien that could fly and stop bullets was much more intimidating and scary than realizing I liked more than one gender. There were bigger fish to fry.”

“Well, that’s not helpful…” Conner mutters.

“Sorry that wasn’t what you were hoping to hear, but I will say that no one will have a problem with you being gay.” Kal says, comforting hand returning to Conner’s shoulder.

“But _I_ have a problem with it!” Conner yells, desperately.

Kal says nothing, letting Conner explain himself further.

“I-I mean, I don’t know! I don’t know, dude, like, I think Cadmus did something to me when they were literally implanting information into me a-and it messed me up and I just kissed my best friend in the whole universe and I probably fucked up forever my relationship with him and, and, and-“

Kal holds up a hand to stop Conner and for him to catch is breath.

“You kissed Tim?”

“Yeah.”

“Does he feel the same way?”

“I don’t know! I didn’t really get a chance to ask him before or after I did the thing!”

“Well, if he doesn’t, your relationship seems strong enough to survive something like this,” Kal says reassuringly.

Conner rakes his hands down his face.

“You are going to talk to him about this right?”

“I don’t know,” Conner mumbles into his hands.

“I think it would be in your favour to discuss this with him.”

Conner groans before perking up, looking in the direction of Gotham.

“I can hear him,” he says softly.

“Well, what are you waiting for?”

Conner hesitates for a moment before shooting off again.

Kal watches him go, shaking his head and laughing quietly to himself.

-

There’s absolutely no way Tim’s sleeping after this, medication be dammed. He sits cross-legged on his bed, out of his cowl, cape, and boots, hands flapping and staring absently at a mark on the floor of his room, deep, deep in thought.

_What do you do when your best friend kisses you? What do you do when you would’ve kissed him back had you not been caught off guard? What do you do when you’ve wanted to do that for what feels like years? What the fuck? What the fuck, Conner?_

He rolls over on his bed and groans before almost immediately sitting up right again. No, no, nope. No. He’s not going to let his avoidance get the best of him, not this time. He’s not going to over think this and then never bring it up again. He inhales.

“Conner?” His voice is high and unsure. Tim knows he’s listening – he’s always listening – but if Tim’s voice is riddled with anxiety, maybe he won’t come. He tries again, clearing his throat and inhaling again.

“Conner.”

Nothing.

“Conner, I know you can hear me.”

Nothing.

“Conner, I’m going to keep talking until you come over.”

Nothing.

“Conner, Conner, Conner, Conner, Conn-“

He finally hears a familiar _whoosh_ by his windows and can’t help but grin as he makes his way to the roof of the building as fast as he can. He pauses for a second before the roof door to take a deep breath and then opens it.

Conner floats above Tim, keeping his distance, almost as if, if he gets too close he might be compelled to kiss Tim again; he’s avoiding eye contact, staring intently at the ground, hands buried deep in his jean pockets. Tim opens his mouth to speak, but Conner’s faster.

“Look, I just wanna say I’m sorry for…” He trails off, pulling a hand out of his pocket and aimlessly gesticulating while making a conscious effort not to look up at Tim. “I’m sorry for doing… what I did.”

Tim’s not sure if Conner expects him to respond – what does he even say to that? He waits and listens. Conner, feeling awkward and wanting to fill the silence, taking Tim not saying anything as him being upset, continues talking.

“Okay, that sounds stupid uh, I just - I mean, we just thought maybe for a second you were like, gone for real and we got really scared, and I didn’t want to lose my best friend and then you were okay and I was so relieved and I-I should’ve like, asked first, wait - no, I mean, I shouldn’t ha-“

“Can I kiss you?” Tim interrupts in a small, but sure voice that surprises both of them.

“W-what?” Conner finally looks at him.

“Can I kiss you? Tim asks again, slightly louder.

“I – uh – Okay?” Conner says, bewildered.

He lowers and leans forward just enough to be in Tim’s face, avoiding eye contact again. Tim stands on his tippy toes, eyes shutting, and gently kisses Conner. It lasts for barely a moment.

“Tim, wh-“ Conner starts.

“Can I kiss you? Again?”

Conner gives him an unsure look, but lowers more nonetheless and leans forward again. Their third kiss lasts longer than the first 2. When they pull away again, Tim asks the same question, and Conner complies. And he continues asking until Conner’s feet are finally flat on the roof, face close to his, almost out of breath. At some point Tim’s hands wound up cupping Conner’s face, and Conner’s hands at Tim’s elbows.

“Oh, my god, what are we doing, dude?” Conner says sheepishly, looking down again. He turns his face into one of Tim’s hands, almost to hide his embarrassment. Tim softly rubs his thumb along Conner’s cheekbone.

“You’re an absolute loser, you know that, right?” Tim says fondly.

“Heh, yeah.”

Tim rests his forehead on Conner’s chest.

“So, what happens now?” Conner asks, voice barely a whisper.

“Hm?”

“I mean, are…” He trails off as Tim looks up again. Conner eyes return to the ground. “Are we still friends?”

“Do you want to be something more than that?”

“Kinda. Um, do you?”

“Kinda.”

They both laugh at that, and stand there for a few more minutes holding each other on Tim’s roof.

“I have to go soon – Ma will worry,” Conner tells him.

“You smell, too. You need to change out of your costume.”

“Wow, dude, you cut me deep,” says Conner, pretending to be offended. He looks down at Tim, full of affection, but not sure how much is too much for right now. “I do have to go…”

Tim nods and pulls away from him suddenly shy.

“Hey um…” Conner starts, a hand going for Tim's. He looks up at Conner expectantly. “Uh, can I kiss you? Before I go?”

Conner decides that Tim's smile, his rare, genuine smile, is his favourite thing. Their final kiss for the night probably the best - they're getting used to the height difference and figuring out how their faces fit together.

They finally separate and Conner starts to float away, only to turn back one last time, and give a smile and little wave to his best friend - no, boyfriend - to say goodbye for now. Tim gives him another genuine smile and waves back.

"See you tomorrow? Right?"

"Of course."

Conner waves again and then shoots off into the night sky.

Tim can hear him whooping and hollering.


	2. Language City

The first few weeks of their relationship is… different. Not bad, not a mistake, but just a little awkward trying to figure out what the other likes and is okay with. How much is too much? And how do you figure that out?

Conner makes more frequent visits to Tim’s apartment (the ‘Red Robin cave’ as he calls it) just to sit with Tim while he types away at a Wayne Enterprises report, or to watch trashy TV together, or to enable each other’s bad sleeping habits. 

Conner notices more things about the apartment and how Tim lives in it. The curtains in each room are dark and don’t allow a lot light in. He doesn’t do his laundry until every article of clothing he owns is on the floor in a pile and smells. There’s a bookshelf that has an old, tattered binder full of Batman and Robin newspaper clippings and photos, some of them he took himself when he was pre-teen. He sleeps with three blankets because he likes the weight on top of him. There’s a collection of about a years worth of empty anti-depressant medication bottles sitting on his dresser. 

Conner rarely gets to spend the night, and when he does, one of them has to leave early in the morning to get back to Smallville or to go to Wayne Enterprises. 

They talk a lot – they did before, but there’s another layer to it because now Conner can hold Tim’s hands that look so small compared to his, and Tim can lay on Conner’s chest and listen to him and his heart beat.

When they’re in the Tower they try their hardest to act casual; the team knows, of course they know, but they give them the courtesy of pretending like they don’t, giving them their privacy.

Nothing’s really changed, but it has; they have trouble articulating it. A majority of the time, they still ask if it’s okay to kiss the other.

Two and a half months in, Conner discovers Tim likes being held. Conner likes doing that for him.

-

Tim is very good at what he does - it’s why he got the job to be Batman's partner in the first place. He’s very meticulous and generally pretty cautious, and done well working as a team and on his own many times over. Despite that, all his preparedness doesn’t seem to be working out in his favor (or Batman, Nightwing, Robin’s for that matter) during the bank robbery that the Black Mask and his goons, armed with guns, kitchen knives, and steel pipes. There's hostages, they're currently not sure how many, but they do know that Sionis is famous for his violence and torturing abilities.

If they can just get in there.

Not a good night so far, and it goes from bad to worse with an explosion going off on one side of the building. The crowd below screams, ducking behind cars to avoid the broken class.

Okay, no more waiting around, no more 'looking for an opportunity' - now is the time to get in there and actually do something.

Tim, Dick, and Damian stick together, silently entering through a window that wasn't as well guarded as the others, Bruce looking for another way in to confront Sionis directly. The three of them easily take down the guards in the next room and in the hallways. It seems like Sionis is didn't look too hard to hire better help this; good for team Batman, not so good for Sionis.

They finally find an office with hostages and guards.

Tim has been in situations like this many, many times in his career, Dick and Damian, too: they know how best assess it to get the optimal outcome where no one is hurt and it's over as quick and as painlessly as possible. And yet, something about this night, something about how Black Masks's gang is talking to each other, to the hostages, to their boss, something about how this is the third night he's gone with barely any sleep, something about how one of the hostages is desperately clinging to her child while she watches the guards pace back and forth - something about all of it just sets him off, years of caution and patience being forgotten. Tim impulsively 

"Red, what the hell are you doing?!" Tim barely hears Dick. He thinks he hears Damian swear before going after him, not letting Tim try to take down a room full of trigger happy guards by himself getting himself and everyone else killed in the process.

It happens all so fast, everything's a blur- Tim thinks he hears guns go off, people are definitely screaming, he finds himself staring at one of the henchmen vaguely threatening to shoot the mother holding her child. Tim barely hesitates before taking him down, the gun fires, he's not sure where, all he can focus on is beating this shit out of this particular guy.

“Red Robin, stop!" Dick yells to him. "Red!"

Tim still isn't listening, continuing to repeatedly punch the henchman in the face, harder and harder each time. The man stops struggling after the 7th hit.

"Hey, hey, Red," Dick says to him, hand tight on his shoulder. "It's okay, you got him. It's okay, you're done."

Tim finally stops and stands, wobbling a bit. There's bloody bubbles coming out the man's nose and mouth. He's still alive.

“I-I'm fine - I'm sorry - I -"

Tim stops mid sentence and goes cold when he hears Bruce’s disappointed voice crackling over the radio.

“Tim, go home.” 

Tim visibly deflates, shoulders drooping, knees going weak. He looks down at the man below him, bloody nose, split lip, and missing teeth now. The hostages look at Tim with with almost the same fear they did with the guards. There's a bullet hole right above where the mother is sitting, just barely missing her.

He still watches the GCPD clean up and get everyone sorted from a roof a few blocks away. He hears more sirens approaching; it’s over, Bruce was able to get to Sionis, the good guys won, no thanks to him.

No one was seriously hurt and no one died, thankfully – he doesn’t know what he would’ve done had that happened.

He waits until his legs and face have lost feeling before going home.

-

Tim’s been isolating himself for a few days, overworking himself from the apartment. He does this occasionally when he’s feeling really bad, and Conner lets him have his space so Tim can get everything out in his own way to feel better.

But that doesn’t always work.

Sometimes, Tim gets too far into his own head - down, down, down the deep rabbit hole of obsessive, negative thinking, beating himself up and letting the guilt eat away at him for days at a time.

It’s been almost a week since Batman and Co. told Tim to stand down from their mission. Conner figured Tim would want to talk after the first day, but there’s been no messages, no signals, no quiet whispers for Conner to come over in the middle of the night. So he let Tim have another day or two alone, since this seems to be a special case, but now, with it being almost 7 days, he figured that was too much time to spend isolated and trapped in your own repetitive, intrusive thoughts. 

He finds Tim in the darkness of his living room, hunched over his laptop like a gargoyle on the couch. Tim doesn’t hear him come in, too engrossed in whatever he’s researching and typing about.

“Hey, man,” Conner says and Tim jolts, turning to him, eyes wide and filled with panic before realizing who it was.

“Fuck,” Tim says, running his hands over his tired face before turning back to his computer. “Hey.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you and pull you out of your thing,” Conner says, rubbing the back of his neck. “How are you doing?”

“Fine,” Tim says, almost robotically, not looking up again.

“Right...”

Conner stands there watching Tim’s intensely focused face. He’s briefly reminded of their first night in the Titans Tower, when neither of them could sleep and he found Tim sitting out, still in costume, at his computer, and Conner stood before him, awkwardly, like he is now.

“Did you need something?” Tim asks, still not looking up.

“Uh, are you doing anything later?”

“I’m doing this.”

_Tim’s over compensating_ , Conner thinks. _Who knows how long he’ll keep this up? Forever?_

He looks down on the coffee table and around the room; several empty Starbucks bags and cups littered across the table and the surrounding floor and there’s a thin layer of dust on everything, indicating even Alfred hasn’t been allowed into the apartment.

“Have you ever thought about like, taking a break?” Conner asks hesitantly, sitting down next to Tim, right in his personal space.

“Yeah, I’ll probably stop for a bit after I finish this pa-”

“No, no, I mean like, have you thought about taking a break for a while from, you know, doing the ‘Red Robin thing’?”

“No.”

“Okay, right, dumb question.” Conner can tell Tim’s avoiding. “I just mean, you’ve been doing this uh, ‘line of work’ for a long time, and maybe it would be sort of in your favor to kind of like, take a step back for a bit? For your own health?”

“I did for a year when you-“ Tim cuts himself off. He continues typing. “Yes, I did once, and it sucked.”

Conner rests his forehead on Tim’s shoulder, sighing and feeling guilty.

“You know we’re not asking you this because we think you’re incapable or anything, right? We don’t think you’re going crazy or not good enough, I promise.” Tim finally stops typing; he exhales and leans back a bit into Conner. “We wouldn’t ask this if we didn’t care about you, dude.”

Conner feels Tim relax slightly, shoulders drooping.

“I’m sorry,” Tim mumbles.

“It’s okay; nothing to be sorry for,” Conner says softly, reaching for Tim’s hand. “It’s okay to not be okay.”

Tim turns to kiss the top of Conner’s head while he rubs his thumb over Tim’s hand.

“Would you want to stay with me? In Kansas?” Conner asks gently, unsure of Tim’s reaction. “Be away from Gotham for a while?”

Conner feels Tim tense up again. It’s almost uncomfortably quiet. Conner watches Tim’s free hand flap and jitter in his lap while he thinks.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, I made this worse and-_

“For how long?” Tim finally says, after what feels like an eternity.

Conner lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“As long as you want. Ma might want to keep you forever, though.” Conner laughs softly into Tim’s shoulder, trying to hide how excited he is. “Heh, she asks about you all the time, you know.”

“You’re being serious?” 

“Yeah, dude! Of course I am,” Conner says, sitting up to look right at Tim. “Do you want to stay with me and my mom for say like, this summer? Cassie’s more than fine with being leader alone for the Titans for a few months, and I think your ever growing gang of bats has Gotham pretty covered.”

Tim pulls away slightly, shrinking into himself.

“I don’t know…”

“Why are you afraid?”

Tim doesn’t answer at first, avoiding eye contact and chewing at the inside of his mouth. Conner lets him take his time.

“Are you sure it’s okay for me to be there?” Tim asks. There’s a lot he’s not saying: _Are you sure that I won’t take up space? Are you sure that I won’t be a burden? Are you sure that you want me there?_

“Yes, of course,” Conner says, pulling Tim into a hug. “Of course, of course, of course.”

-

Dick, Cassandra, Barbara, Stephanie, and Alfred were all happy to hear that Tim was taking some time off. Cassie was excited and ready to be solo leader of the Titans again, and promised she, Bart, and Cissie would visit them in Kansas sometime soon.

Bruce took some convincing, but eventually agreed after Dick and Stephanie yelled at him for an hour.

Tim arrives in Smallville in the late afternoon via a Wayne Enterprises private jet with 3 bags, still looking like he hadn’t slept much since he and Conner last saw each other.

Alfred gives Tim one last hug and tells Tim how he’ll be taking care of his apartment while Tim’s away and he’ll come by to pick him up at the beginning of September. Tim waves goodbye as the jet takes off as Conner makes his way from the house to the empty field where they landed. Conner gives Tim a tight hug, cracking his back in the process.

“Woah, hi, big guy.”

“Heh, sorry.”

They make their way to the house, Martha and Krypto waiting for them.

“Hello, Tim,” she says when he arrives the porch, smiling fondly at him. “It’s so nice to see you again.”

“H-hi, Mrs. Kent,” Tim says, waving stiffly. The last time he has visited was before he and Conner were together – he doesn’t think Martha will treat him any different, but Tim still feels a pressure to be overly polite.

“Oh, sweet heart, you know you can call me Ma.” She gives Tim another tight hug.

“Okay, Mrs. Kent,” Tim says, embarrassed and a little overwhelmed at all the interaction.

Conner carries Tim’s things upstairs to his room, Tim following close behind. They walk past photos upon photos of the Kent’s and their children – Kal and Lana as teenagers on their first day of high school, Kal and Lois out in front of the Daily Planet, Kara and Karen posing in front of the Superman statue in Metropolis, a candid Mae and Linda laughing together, Conner with Krypto, Chris and Jon playing, an old wedding photo of Martha and Jonathan. Tim briefly smiles to himself – reminds him of Wayne manor.

Conner’s room must’ve been purged for Tim’s arrival, as it’s the cleanest it’s been since Kara was briefly using it. The floor is swept, the bed is made, and there’s only a few clothes sticking out of the dresser and closet.

There’s a framed picture of the two of them outside the Titans tower, right when they had joined the team, and another photo of the Young Justice team trying too, too hard to look serious sitting side by side on Conner’s desk.

“Uh, so what do you want to do first?” Conner asks after setting everything down, turning to Tim, hands on his hips and ready to do anything.

It takes Tim a second to respond.

“Go to sleep?” Tim replies, rubbing at his face.

“Oh,” Conner says, hands falling to his sides. “Okay, that’s probably a good idea – get you uh, settled and everything.”

Tim’s already taking off his shoes and jacket and climbing into Conner’s bed, claiming the right side for himself.

“Thanks, man,” he mumbles. “Love you.”

“Yeah, love you, too,” Conner tells him, quiet now, unsure what to do. He watches Tim, already passed out, shakes his head, and then leaves the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

Tomorrow is another day.

-

Tim was still asleep when Conner went to bed himself, and still asleep when he woke up early in the morning, but Conner sees that at some point Tim did get out of his binder and pants, now only in his shirt, a sports bra, and boxers.

When Conner’s trying his hardest to be as quiet as possible getting ready to help with the farm, he hears Tim finally stir from his sleep.

“Morning, ass face,” he tells Tim affectionately, sitting back down on the bed and gently shaking Tim. 

“Mmmghhhh…” Tim replies, trying to sink lower into the bed. “M’sleeping.”

“Yeah, you have been for like, 12 hours now.”

“Mhmm.”

“Okay, okay.” Conner kisses his cheek. “I’ll be outside, alright?”

“Mrrmmrhh.”

Conner smiles and leaves as silently as he can. He makes himself and his mom breakfast, and only looks at the empty chair across from him, next to where Martha is currently sitting, once. Maybe twice.

He then goes about his daily routine: feeding the animals and saying hello to all of them (cows, chickens, pigs, and Krypto), cleaning out their stables, checking to see if any of them are hurt or sick, fixing the tractor, playing fetch with Krypto, fixing the fences, milking the cows, more maintenance, more checking things, scanning the town with telescopic and x-ray vision for any trouble, playing more fetch with Krypto.

He has to take a break in the middle of the day to avoid getting too much sun or else his body will start to eat itself trying to process all of the solar energy - something he learned that the hard way. 

When Conner returns to his room, Tim is finally awake and sitting at the desk.

“Your internet sucks,” he tells Conner. He’s still in the same clothes and has unpacked his laptop now, looking almost exactly like when he was sitting in his own apartment. There's a plate next to him, indicating that he's at least left the room and eaten something since coming here.

“Well, yeah, this isn’t exactly the Bat Cave,” Conner tells him, sitting down on his bed and staring at Tim’s back.

Tim hums in acknowledgement, focused on whatever he’s reading on his computer. 

“What are you doing?”

“Looking up any and all recent news reports in Gotham.”

“Okay… why?” Conner asks, concern growing.

“To see if anything’s happening,” Tim tells him, like it’s the most obvious and simple thing. Of course he’s doing this, of course he is.

“You don’t have to do that, you know,” Conner says, sighing. “You’re –"

Conner’s interrupted by Martha calling for him.

“I’ll… talk to you more about this later, I guess,” he says, mildly frustrated. He’s not sure if Tim heard him.

They don’t end up talking about it, as Tim is asleep again when Conner comes back to check on him a few hours later. Conner spends dinner staring at the empty chair across from him and only half listening to whatever Martha’s talking to him about.

Conner wakes up in the middle of the night to find Tim crying and hyperventilating next to him. Panic attack? Nightmare? Both? Regardless, Conner knows how to help him calm down: tell him everything’s okay and that he’s here for Tim, wipe away his tears, get him to focus on his breathing, and bring him water so he doesn’t get a headache.

Tim’s passed out when Conner comes back with water.

-

The 3rd day plays out almost exactly like the first two: Tim being holed up in the bedroom, and Conner going about his chores as if Tim wasn’t visiting at all. At least today Conner told Krypto to keep Tim company and opened the curtains so he could get some sunlight.

Conner tries to focus on the things he needs to do, trying not to listen to intrusive thoughts telling him untrue things about himself, Tim, and their relationship.

_That thought isn’t helpful right now_ , he tells himself. _That thought isn’t helpful either._

That works for the morning and part of the afternoon, but he’s unable to keep that up all day, spending part of the evening trying to stall going back inside, sitting in the loft in the barn, watching the sun slowly set, and convincing himself that Tim’s going to ask to leave.

At dusk he finally wanders back in the house.

-

Martha must have seen him sulking.

“Conner?”

She’s standing with her back to him in the kitchen at the stove.

“Is something the matter?” she says, pouring herself hot water from the kettle into a mug.

“No…” Conner says, voice small and frustrated.

Martha sets down the kettle and turns to him – he was never a good liar. Conner avoids her eye contact and looks down at the floor, crossing his arms tightly.

“I just – I don’t know-“ Conner tries to collect his thoughts. “He - he seems like he’s doing the same or worse even. Maybe this was a bad idea…”

Martha turns back to the kettle and takes out two more mugs from the cupboard, placing a tea bag in them and pouring more hot water into them. She takes all 3 mugs into her hands and gestures at the kitchen table.

“Sit,” she says simply, doing so herself, setting down the mugs on the table in the process.

Conner, confused, pulls out a chair and sits across from Martha. He takes one of the mugs and stares into it while Martha sips at hers. She sets the mug down and clears her throat gently.

“Conner, you are a very sweet boy, and I know you’re doing everything you can to support Tim, and I’m sure he knows that, and he would do the same for you in a heartbeat,” she says.

Conner stares more intently into the tea. Martha continues.

“Sometimes, when people get out of a bad situation, and they realize that they _are_ out, they can relax and let their guard down. And sometimes when they do that, they let out a lot of the feelings they’ve been bottling up.”

Conner finally looks up at her.

“Huh?”

Martha smiles and shakes her head.

“Bring that tea up to him,” Martha says, standing and pushing her chair in. “Good night, dear.”

She squeezes his shoulder as she walks past him.

“Turn off the lights when you get up, and don’t let that tea get cold, please.”

“Yeah, see you in the morning. Thanks, Ma,” Conner says.

“Don’t stay up too late,” she tells him, going up the stairs to her room.

After spending a few minutes tidying the kitchen up a little more for the morning, Conner makes his way up to his own room, cup of tea in tow, taking his time, and trying to really take in what Martha said to him.

He’s pretty sure he understands what she saying, and he hopes that this is the case here.

He finds himself staring blankly at the door to his room. He listens for Tim on the other side for a moment – just soft breathing and a steady heart beat. Should he knock?

_This is stupid,_ , Conner thinks, opening the door slowly. _He’s not dying or anything; I’m just going to talk to him like a normal person._

Tim’s still in Conner’s bed, one hand absently petting Krypto, who’s laying next to him, and the other hand still typing away on his laptop. Krypto jumps off the bed when he sees Conner, tail wagging and panting.

“Hey, hey, go downstairs, okay? Good boy,” Conner says to the dog, and closes the door behind him when Krypto trots out.

“Hi, I brought you tea,” Conner tells Tim, awkwardly holding out the mug before setting it down on the nightstand.

“Oh, uh, thanks,” Tim says, voice croaky. His legs are drawn up to his chest, chin resting on his knees, covers bunched up around him, almost lost in them.

Conner sits at the edge of the bed, still thinking about what Martha said.

“Conner?” Tim asks, scooting closer and placing a hand on Conner’s shoulder.

“Are you – I mean, uh, am I – err – no –“ Conner starts.

“Take your time,” Tim says.

Tim watches Conner’s clench his fists for a second and then relax, palms down on his thighs. He exhales.

“Am I helping you feel better?” Conner asks, not looking at him.

“Oh, dude,” Tim says softly, shifting so he can wrap his arms around Conner and rest his head on his shoulder. “I haven’t been… the best house guest so far, sorry.”

They're both quiet.

“Ugh, this is a terrible apology, but I do feel noticeably better a-and it’s weird, you know?” he continues, voice cracking a bit. “Like I’m used to being almost completely miserable and ignoring it all the time, and everyone usually goes along with it.”

“Do you feel guilty being here?” Conner asks.

Tim hesitates.

“Yes, but not because I don’t want to be here, but just like – I don’t know, like I should be doing something that’s not for me?” he says, talking faster now, trying to get every thought out at once. “I guess I feel bad for feeling bad and acknowledging it, and then other people noticing, and wanting to do something about it. If that makes sense.”

“But you _do_ feel better?”

“Yeah, and it’s… unnatural. For me.” Tim’s voice is quieter now. “Like I don’t deserve this, but I also feel so relieved, and that’s probably what freaks me out the most.”

“Why?”

“Heroic legacy and not wanting to mess that up or whatever.”

“Heh, yeah, I know all about that.”

Conner moves so he can hug Tim back and kiss his cheek gently.

“I’m sorry,” Tim tells him. “I know you were really happy for me to be here, and I’ve just been shitty and ruining your mood.”

“Shhh, its okay, everything’s okay,” Conner tells him, rubbing Tim’s back. "I still want you here and I know Ma does too. I'm sure even Krypto does."

Tim sighs.

“Would you want to do maybe something tomorrow? Go outside? Fresh air? Sunlight?” Conner asks, voice higher.

“Uh-”

“I can show you the never ending plethora of super amazing and fun things there are to do in Podunk, Kansas,” Conner continues sarcastically.

“Yeah, you’re really selling it,” Tim says, laughing. “But yeah, that would be… nice. I don’t think we’ve ever been on a real date before, actually.”

“Yeah, we have?”

“Getting food after a mission with the rest of the team isn’t a date.”

“Oh, man, the pressure is on then.”

Tim hums in agreement and kisses Conner’s jaw. They sit there on Conner’s bed in comfortable silence, holding each other, for a few more minutes, enjoying each other’s closeness.

“Tim?”

“Mmhm?”

“I’m saying this with as much love in my heart as I possibly can…”

“Uh-huh…”

“You smell,” Conner says bluntly, pulling back from Tim, to look right at him. “Like really bad.”

Tim stares at him for a second, eyes wide and taken back, before bursting out laughing and covering his face with his hands. 

“I’m being serious, you asshole! It’s not even because of my heightened senses; you’re just gross!” Conner says, poking at him, making Tim laugh more.

Tim smiling makes Conner smile.

Tim quickly downs the now cold tea and makes his way to the shower while Conner gets ready for bed, moving Tim’s things off it, fixing the covers, and opening the window so it’s less stuffy. When Tim comes back, clean and finally in new clothes, he takes his nightly anti depressant, making a gross face when he feels it go down his throat uncomfortably. He gives Conner one last kiss before turning off the lights and climbing into bed with him.

Tomorrow is another day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! This took me significantly longer to write than the last chapter as its 2x as many words, so sorry for the delay! I was going to try to update weekly, but I don't think that that's going to work out, haha. I guess I'll just be updating whenever I finish the next part and hopefully it won't be longer than 2 weeks or something. I've already started some of the next chapter so, again, hopefully not too long for me to update.
> 
> The bank robbery part was the biggest source of my trouble (I still hate it and I'll probably go back and rework it at some point once I can stand looking at it) and 1) I very, very loosely based it off of the robbery scene in the new Justice League trailer and 2) yes, I know the Black Mask was dead in the pre-52 universe, but I forgot that happened and I didn't feel like changing it. Whoops? Hopefully, the rest of this chapter makes up for that.
> 
> This chapter is also uh, very, very Tim centric, which wasn't entirely my intention; I hope that doesn't bother anyone and I promise the rest of fic won't be like this.
> 
> I mostly based how Conner's room and parts of the Kent's house look as it appears in Adventure Comics v2 if anyone's wondering. Also I had to look up a bunch of things about farming and I felt really stupid doing so.
> 
> Anyways, thank you all for your patience and thanks so much for all the comments, hits, and kudos so far. It's extremely motivating in a way I didn't expect! :)
> 
> Next chapter: Tim meets Conner's civilian friends, Lori Luthor and Simon Valentine.

**Author's Note:**

> Woah, hi there! This is the first time I've ever actually committed to writing something and publishing it, so thanks so much for reading through this prologue. I've had the vague idea for this story in my head for about a year now, and I'm glad that I've finally had the courage to finally write it down AND to post it. The next chapter/actual start of this story will go up sometime soon hopefully? I have a lot of things planned for this and I hope I don't lose steam and quit, haha. I will probably go back and edit this periodically because I'm never satisfied with my work.
> 
> This story takes place pre new-52 as if that universe had continued, making the core four between ages 19-21.
> 
> The title of this work comes from something Dick says to Tim in the New Titans #65, and the lyrics in the summary comes from the song I'll Believe in Anything by Wolf Parade. The titles of each chapter will be Wolf Parade song titles because I thought that would be cool.
> 
> Thanks again for reading this all the way through!


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